Exploring Teacher Identity:  A Yearlong Recount of Growing from Student to Teacher

 

 

 

 

 

 

by:  Krista Yerkes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Professional Development School

Intern:  Krista Yerkes

Mentor:  Judy Lysaker

Associate:  Carol Paul

Supervisor:  Jamie Myers

June 15, 2004

 

 

 

In the Beginning

How I Researched and Analyzed my Question

 

            My question developed from a desire to know myself more not only as a person, but also as a teacher.  Through my life up to this year, I do not think I really knew who I was, how other people saw me, and how I viewed myself.  I decided to research this quest for identity and quest to know myself as I was attempting to switch my identity.  It was a struggle at first finding data.  It was hard for me to recognize the data or critical incidents because it was the everyday occurrences, experiences, and situations.  Things I saw as minor situations ended up becoming very important in my development and in my quest to know myself.

            When I determined that this would be my inquiry, I began a timeline.  I added milestones on this timeline including the dates and what exactly occurred.  Later I color-coded the timeline according to three different topics Ð when I was acting like a teacher, when I was acting like a student, and when I was in-between the two identities (Appendix 1).

            Also I am an avid writer.  I write in journals almost everyday.  These journals contain poetry, song lyrics, quotations, and just my thoughts for that particular day.  I also have had many email correspondences with my mentor and associate throughout the entire year.  These emails took the form of a conversation sometimes about what happened on a certain day, or how I was feeling, or about my lessons.  As Dr. Judith M. Newman states in her article ÒUncovering Our AssumptionsÓ, Òthe incidents which help us change as teachers arenÕt big events Ð theyÕre the small everyday ongoing occurrencesÓ (Newman, 1987, 3).  After reading this I decided to keep a journal with me at all times so that I could write in it whenever anything happened, no matter how big or how small.  Also in the same article Newman states,

 

I also realized the learning remains hidden unless we have some reason for making it explicit.  Writing the stories down was important.  It forced us to explain the situation to ourselves.  Engaging in this kind of analysis alone wasnÕt easy.  We needed to ask one another questions such as

                        Why was an incident memorable?

                        What made it significant?

                        What did we learn from it?

                        How might we have dealt with that situation differently?

in order to see the point of the story and to talk about the underlying assumptions (Newman, 1987, 3).

 

Learning that these sources could uncover information about my teaching assumptions grabbed me right away.  I knew this was something I could handle since it had to do with writing and I was thrilled to think that I could learn so much about myself by doing this.  These three sources became my primary data in my research to discover my identity as a teacher.

            My journey this year was fun at times, difficult at times, and painful at times.  Reliving my journey for the purpose of this inquiry was painful at times, however I have grown as an individual and as a teacher through this research and analysis.  In an article by David Hobson, he states, ÒJalongo (1992) described a teacher story as a metaphor for change; teacher action research grasps that metaphor, brings it to life, then perhaps creates a new metaphor that enriches his or her teaching.  Autobiographical narrative could be construed as the conceptual center of teacher action researchÓ  (Hobson  1996, 6).  My personal story is my metaphor for change.  I have changed tremendously this year just by retelling my story.  I have grown as an individual and as a person.

 

 

 

Who is Miss Yerkes?

Teacher Identity Ð A discourse complicated to fit in

 

ÒMiss. Yerkes, may I go to the bathroomÓ?  ÒMiss Yerkes, may I go to my lockerÓ?  ÒMiss. Yerkes, why are we learning about thisÓ?  The common link imbedded within all these questions is who is Miss. Yerkes?  Going from the role of a student, which I have played for twenty-one years, to the role of a teacher was and sometimes still is a battle.  How does one transition to this role?  How does one reach a level of comfort in this unfamiliar discourse?  How does one assume the role of ÒteacherÓ?  These questions are difficult, but it is only with practice, continuing study, determination, other interns, devoted associates, a caring mentor, and most importantly belief in oneself that one can even begin the work that comes with answering these difficult questions.

What is teacher identity?  Above are all questions and statements, which have crossed my mind in discovering the overall question of what is my teacher identity.  How does one act like a teacher?  What qualities do teachers possess?  And most importantly how does one achieve these goals?  Entering my student teaching program, I thought I had all I needed.  All I needed was to do my best possible work this year and then it would all be downhill from there.  Was I ever wrong?

I have learned that teaching is more than just standing up in front of a classroom.  Teaching comes from within.  Teaching is all about who you are as a person.  This profession is very heart wrenching.  This profession never leaves you.  Once you are pulled into this career, you never leave.  Teaching is difficult.  If you do not know who you are as a person then teaching is going to be even harder.  I have learned a lot about myself as a person.  I have had to face things I have never wanted to before and teaching is something that pulls at your heartstrings.  Teaching is a passion.  But how does one spark the passion and then hold onto it?

I have discovered that what has shaped me, as a teacher are things from my past, things that are going on in my present, and thoughts of the future.  People I have met when in high school, college, and especially my student teaching internship have shaped my teacher identity.  The books, articles, and conversations I have had with many people have shaped my teacher identity.  This journey from student to teacher has not been easy, but I am slowly overcoming the obstacles, climbing the mountains, sustaining over the respites, and conquering my final battle in the struggle from getting rid of the Krista I have always been to the teacher, Miss Yerkes, I have always hoped of becoming.

 

 

Who is Krista

A Brief biography of my Experience

 

Before my student teaching internship, I was Krista Yerkes, the typical college student.  I went to class till about noon, slept all afternoon, studied and did some work during the late afternoon, hung out with friends every evening, and partied on weekends.  Weekends began Thursday night and Sundays were used to catch up on my work for Monday.  There was some sort of routine to my life, but nothing set in stone.  There were two main concerns I had Ð keep my grades high and then have fun.

My acceptance into the Professional Development School (PDS Ð a yearlong internship program through The Pennsylvania State University and the State College Area School District) at The Pennsylvania State University made me begin to think.  I began to think about my routines and my actions as a college student.  I knew things would change, but I did not expect them to be as fast and as difficult as they were.

The PDS internship program is a yearlong student teaching experience.  As a student teacher I would become a co-teacher with an experienced teacher for an entire year.  Methods courses are all embedded within this program because the philosophy is more like an apprenticeship model.  I would learn everything by simply watching my mentor teacher do it and then doing it myself.

The buzzword of the program so far was ambiguity.  In fact one of the questions I was asked before being accepted into this program was Òhow do you deal with ambiguityÓ.  I do not quite remember the answer I gave, but I discovered that this was one of the most challenging parts for me in the beginning.  And this was also a concept I would need to embrace quickly.

After having an afternoon lunch with all the mentors and talking to each of them in a small group atmosphere we wrote down some choices of those individuals we thought we would be able to work with.  In July, I received a call giving me the name and phone number of my mentor.  That day I called her and left a message on her answering machine.  And this is how the relationship began.

My mentor and I had five classes.  We had two classes, which were Advanced English 10.  One class was English 10.  One class was a Cooperative Teaching Initiative (CTI) English 10.  A CTI class is made up of many different students on many different levels.  The idea is to makeup the class of about one-third, one-third, and one-third.  For example one-third may be learning support, one-third may be those with reading specialists, and the last one-third may be randomly chosen.  This class is supposed to follow the same curriculum and keep up with an English 10 class.  And our final class was Journalism I, which contained a mixture of grade levels Ð freshmen all the way up to seniors.  I knew my experience would be diverse and impressive on a resume, since I will have worked with three different levels of English and many different grade levels.  And this is where my journey begins.

 

 

What is a Discourse and How Can I get into It?

A Discourse All Its Own

 

The first question I asked myself was what is a discourse.  I had no idea what anyone was talking about.  James Paul Gee defines a discourse as Òa socially accepted association among ways of using language, of thinking, and of acting that can be used to identify oneself as a member of a socially meaningful group or Ôsocial networkÕÓ  (Shannon, 1992, 21).  After reading this I was able to conclude that teachers are in a discourse of their own.  And this was the discourse I wanted to be a part of so desperately.  In an article I read during my internship it said, ÒThink of discourse as an Ôidentity kitÕ which comes complete with the appropriate costume and instructions on how to act and talk so as to take on a particular role that others will recognizeÓ  (Shannon, 1992, 21).  It was from my mentor, my associate, and the school environment that I would learn how to fit into this discourse.  I would learn how to dress, the rules, the lingo to use, and how to navigate through this new school environment.

Teaching is in a discourse all its own.  An unfamiliar discourse can be frightening to make yourself feel a part of.  Looking the part can sometimes help.  Dressing up in your best suit, curling your hair, and wearing make-up can all help the transition into a strange discourse.  For me, wearing shoes that would click when I walked down the hall made me feel like a teacher.  Feeling like a teacher is only a small part of fitting into a discourse, but it is a sure fire way to appear as though you are fitting in. 

The lingo of a discourse, especially teaching, is something one can only learn by being immersed into the world of teaching.  The PDS takes this concept into account when tossing interns into the pool of teaching.  Lesson plans, activities, goals, standards, and discussion are all things that are learned by simply going through the program and doing the actual procedures a teacher goes through each day.  Of course textbooks can teach proper formats or a new set of vocabulary, but the practice is what makes these actions become habits.  It is difficult at first to stumble and sometimes fall in a new discourse, however the atmosphere of the school was a comforting and supportive environment to be placed.  Even on those occasions where I fell there was always someone to help pick me up and guide me through the next phase of this immersion.  I learned the most when I fell.  The philosophy, which holds true, is that only by doing can one really learn what it is like to be a part of a certain discourse.  Simply by watching, asking questions, and doing have I learned the concepts, activities, and goals of this world of teaching.  I watched and observed not only my mentor teacher, but also other teachers from all different grade levels.  For two months straight I observed at least two different teachers a week.  As my class load became bigger, I did not observe as much, but continued whenever I could.  I saw many different styles, many different techniques, and many different teachers. 

I asked many questions.  It seemed like every eighth period was my time to ask questions.  I asked questions of Judy, Carol, and the other interns.  When I met with Judy we would discuss how the day went and what we needed to prepare for the next day.  Questions arose about her practice and why she does what she does.  I started to ask myself similar questions about my own classroom the upcoming year.  Questions with Carol dealt more with growth and pedagogy.  I had a chance to reflect a lot on the things that I did in my classroom and if I would do it the same way again.  I developed a lot of my beliefs and pedagogy in CarolÕs office.  Questions I asked the other interns developed more into a Òwhat would you doÓ scenario.  We tossed around different ideas for our classrooms and developed curriculum from the ideas of everyone.

Acting out the different tasks of being a teacher was the hard part.  It sometimes became overwhelming, sometimes frustrating, and sometimes wonderful.  I started grading papers, taking attendance, collecting papers, making worksheets, designing tests and quizzes, and finally standing up in front of the classroom teaching.  It was not until I had my chance in the front of the room that I discovered the true passion for teaching.  The mistakes I made in the front of the classroom is when I learned the most.  At first I hated to make mistakes in front of my students and Judy, later I accepted that the only way I was going to learn anything was through the mistakes that I was making.  Each mistake was a critical incident in my development and I spent the time reflecting and analyzing on each incident. 

Through learning the lingo of this discourse, I have learned the activities and processes that each teacher in this discourse goes through everyday.  The first month or so one feels like a leach Ð stuck to the side of his/her mentor.  As time goes by each month the attachment is less and less.  One begins to learn the ins and outs of the trade.  One can fend for himself/herself and become independent.  One is able to then step into your own shoes, and start to become the teacher he/she has always dreamed.  This is the climactic point where oneÕs identity begins to develop and take a shape other than your mentorÕs identity.  This is the point in the development where the mother bird pushes her young child out of the nest ready to watch her fly all on her own.  It is scary for both the mentor and the intern.  The mentor is handing over her class hoping that the lesson goes well and hoping that everyone makes it through.  The intern is hoping that he/she can get through an entire period without running out of things to do and things to say.  The intern is hoping that the students will be cooperative and understanding as they look at only the intern standing in the front of the room.  It is a confidence building moment for an intern and it is a proud parent moment for a mentor.

Fitting into a discourse is difficult.  For some the process is much shorter and for others the process takes almost the entire year.  For me the Ðprocess was long and difficult, but all worth it in the end.  There is just as much growing, learning, and developing going on for those who this comes easy to and for those whom this comes difficult to.  For those who found their place in the discourse right away, their journey was more linear Ð understanding situations and experiences as they progressed through the process and program.  For those who found their place in the discourse later, like me, our journey was more retrospective Ð the understanding and comprehension of experiences and situations come as we looked back on our year.  My story is very nonlinear.  The reason for my inquiry is because my story is so nonlinear.  I have learned more about myself as a person and as a teacher through my analysis process.  However, my roommateÕs development was very linear because she fit right into her discourse at Mount Nittany Middle School.  She embraced the new vocabulary and the new habits.  Her growth was recognized and seen throughout her entire experience as she went along.  She saw the importance of each and every experience or situation she had.  There is no wrong or right way to grow and develop as a teacher.  One must simply be patient and persistent.

 

What are some of the Consistencies?

Emerging Themes Throughout my Year of Teaching

 

Anxiety

Anxiety is something I experienced very often this year.  It is not an emotion that goes away with time as I thought it would.  It is something I had to learn to control.  The interesting part about my anxiety is that it would disappear as soon as I walked into the classroom.  The anxiety that troubled me were the nerves that would build up the night before a lesson I was teaching or even the period before I was teaching.

In the beginning I just assumed that these nerves would go away with time and practice, but I discovered that I am always nervous about every lesson I teach.  I am nervous about the activities going well in the classroom.  I am worried if my students will enjoy the activity enough to learn from it.  These are all things a good teacher worries about everyday, but my anxiety over these questions was taking over my life.  Of course I should worry about these questions and of course I should be concerned about what I am teaching my students.  But I should not be so anxious that I cannot sleep or eat.

The first time I was to ÒteachÓ was on October 22, 2003.  I was supposed to give a vocabulary quiz and then introduce the words for the following week.  I had everything planned out.  I had a script of everything I was going to say.  I tried to plan out every possible outcome and be ready for it.  I could not sleep the night before this.  I did not eat for two days.  I talked for an hour or so after school the day before with Carol, my associate.  We simply went through what I had planned to do with the students for that period.  As I got into my car in the school parking lot, I began to cry.  My nerves had finally got the best of me.  I returned to my apartment around 7:30pm, where my roommate preceded to ask me what was wrong.  As I was telling her how anxious I was I cried and she comforted me.  After she left my room, I then called Carol.  We talked again and of course I cried on the phone with her too.

Since I was to teach second period Judy, my mentor teacher, tried to keep me busy because she could see my emotions.  Apparently, I had a lot of people worried about me that day.  Carol came and found me towards the end of first period and walked me to my classroom.  She put her arm around me and as she was speaking, (words I do not quite remember) I got teary-eyed.  But the minute I walked into that classroom and I was in front of my students, I was onstage.  There was no turning back.  I felt no nerves.  When I was done my fifteen minutes lesson, I was so relieved.  Of course my lesson was not perfect, but I do not think any lesson ever is for any teacher.  After those fifteen or twenty minutes, Judy said to me, ÒYou better find Carol and tell her you are okay.  She was worried about youÓ.  So of course I left class and told her that everything went well.

This was my first real encounter with nerves or being anxious.  I can honestly say I never thought that I would be anxious about teaching because I am also a theatre major.  Everyone always told me, ÒYouÕll make a great teacher.  It is a lot like being onstageÓ.  They were completely wrong.  And this was naive of me to believe.  Theatre is predictable for the actors and actresses on the stage.  They know who is going to say what and when they need to say their line.  Actors know where on the stage they are suppose to be at what time.  Theatre is prepared, rehearsed, and rarely ever changes while the actors are on the stage.  The actors are always in control.  Teaching is not scripted and as much as someone may try to script a lesson, it will never go exactly according to that script.  In the beginning, I scripted everything, now I write an agenda and then Ògo with the flowÓ.  Teachers can never predict what their students are going to ask or what they are going to say.  The closest relationship to theatre and teaching is improvisation.

Anxiety is something I have learned to deal with.  All teachers have anxiety whether it is dealing with a student, having an observation by an administrator, or having a conference with a parent.  Anxiety is just an emotion that one must learn to recognize and control. 

 

Loss

 

Loss as something I had to deal with a lot this year.  I cannot focus in on one thing because I lost many things throughout this year that shaped the teacher and person I am today.

A month before I started my internship, I lost my eleventh grade English teacher, Ms. Baltusavich.  Even though she had been battling with cancer for a while, I never thought I would actually be without her.  I called her a lot while I was in college and we always talked about my student teaching.  I told her that I would call her everyday when I was teaching for advice with my lessons.  She laughed and she said, ÒYouÕll come up with better things than I willÓ.  She was my mentor and one of the reasons I wanted to become an English teacher.  Walking into a high school now as a teacher was difficult knowing that she would not be around to talk to.  I thought a lot about her while I was in school.  I thought about if she was watching me, if she was proud of me, if she thought I was doing a good job.  All I wanted was to make her proud of me.  I just wish she could have seen me teach at least once.

The loss of her in my life made me determined to do well this year.  Whenever I needed some strength I thought about her.  When my journey became rough, I thought about her.  I kept her picture on my desk so that I could see her and feel her presence everyday.  She gave me confidence. 

What I found to be the most interesting thing was that Ms. Baltusavich looked like Judy.  They also have similar personality traits and teaching styles.  It was almost as if I was with her in the classroom.  At first the similarities were scary to me, but as my relationship with Judy began to grow, I did not need the remembrance of my teacher as much.  Of course I remember her everyday and in every class, but it was something I did not need to survive anymore because I found the trust and care in my mentor teacher.

I began my internship year continuing to live with my college roommates.  We were all seniors in college with one big difference; I had a real job ahead of me whereas they only had a few classes a week.  The year started out fine.  I was able to get my work done and then act like a college student on weekends with my roommates.  As the internship became more and more demanding, I could not be the person my roommates wanted me to be.  We started to fight a lot. I was always tired for school and it was almost impossible to get anything done in my apartment.

I was befriended by one of the other interns, Maria, who lived in the same apartment complex that I did.  I would go over to her apartment, which was conducive for completing work, and we would do our work together.  I even stayed over a couple nights, since Maria had a two-bedroom apartment all to herself.  As my situation became worse and worse, I knew I had to move.

Late in November, I went into school very upset due to an argument my roommates and I had the night before.  After crying and speaking with Judy and Carol, I knew I had to move as long as the funds were available.  I talked to Maria and we decided that I could move in with her.

I moved in December 1, 2003.  This was the best choice I could have ever made.  As soon as I moved there was a vast improvement in my ability to teach and in my work.  I was living with someone who had the same schedule I did Ð go to bed at 9:30pm and wake up at 6:30am.  I was living with someone who had the same work I had.  We helped each other with everything.  There was finally someone who could listen to the events of my day and understand me.  Maria gave me insights into events that had occurred in my classroom.  She gave me advice.

Losing my college friends was not an easy task for me, but I knew I had to move out.  We still talk.  We go out to dinner sometimes and we go out on weekends together sometimes.  The only difference is that we do not live together anymore.

The last thing that I lost was the life I once had, being a college student.  I could not live that lifestyle anymore.  This took me some time to finally realize and this was probably the hardest lesson I had to learn.  It was not until a clash between these two different lifestyles occurred that I realized I needed to choose. 

During the week, I was Miss Yerkes, the teacher.  During weekends, I was Krista, the college student.  I finally began to realize that I could not do my best work living this double life.  My weekend endeavors were starting to wear on the outcome of my week.  If I had partied all weekend then my week was not going to be productive or up the high standard I had set for myself.  I had to make a choice and this decision came along with moving.

I chose to be a teacher.  Moving was the climactic point in my year.  It was after this the real work and the real Miss Yerkes began to shine.  I devoted my time to my internship and to my students.  This was the best decision I could have ever made.

 

Relationships

 

I cannot stress enough the importance of relationships during this entire process.  Creating the right relationship with my mentor, with my associate, and with the other interns was key to my success and growth in this program.  The relationships built with these vital people must be based on trust, compassion, faith, and hope.  The ÒrightÓ relationship has a foundation of all these qualities, and every member of the relationship feels the emotions fully and equally.

First and probably most important comes the relationship with my mentor, Judy.  Gaining trust is something both of us needed to build with each other.  Only once the trust is there can the mentor fully give up the control of his/her classroom.  And it is with this trust that allows the intern to feel confident in oneÕs new surroundings.  Trust occurs on many different levels.  Trust on a professional level was important for me to feel comfortable asking Judy questions about class, my teaching style, her teaching style, etc.  Also trust was important for me when I was being observed by Judy and made me comfortable enough to accept her kind criticism and suggestions.  Trust on a personal level was important for me because through this I was able to open up to Judy about other things.  I always tried to remember that I am a teacher as well as many other things and so sometimes the outside world can peak into your classroom.

Respect was another important quality of our relationship.  I respected JudyÕs wishes and she respected mine.  We worked together very well because of the mutual respect and understanding we both had for each other.  In a collaborative situation one must learn to give and take.  We succeeded well with this.

No relationship is ever perfect and to say ours was would be a lie, but I think Judy was the best match for me.  Even though we had our minor ups and downs, the positives always outweighed the negatives.  Due to our successful and personal relationship, we both benefited by learning from each other.  Judy taught me many things and I think that I too taught her some things.  Our students also benefited from our close relationship because we were able to give and take in the classroom.  Our students could see and feel that their teachers were successful as a team and were working together.

Another very important relationship was the one I built with my associate, Carol.  My associate was there to support me as well as Judy.  She was there to help me with lesson ideas, to talk through puzzling situations, to listen to me when I was frustrated or overwhelmed, to put situations and experiences back into perspective for me, to find professional readings for me, and to simply be another support person.

Judy, Carol, and I would meet once a week to discuss my development as a teacher and how our classes were going.  Carol and I would also meet once a week.  These weekly meetings took many different forms depending on what the pressing issues were for that day.  A lot of the times we talked about lessons I was preparing or how things were going in my classroom.  During the more difficult and emotional times she was there with a tissue and an open ear.  And most of the time she was there with wonderful words of advice.

Carol acted as a third party in negotiating different things throughout my internship and year with Judy.  Negotiating what I would be doing each day in class, or what classes I was going to be present in, when my unit would begin, etc.  Having a third opinion on issues that Judy and I were dealing with in the classroom or even out of the classroom was her biggest task.  Supporting both Judy and I in all we did this year was her primary job.

The relationship I built with her is based on trust.  Trust which took some time to build, but now is fully present.  Her guidance and her support throughout this year have been what made this year a success.

Another important relationship that has made this year so successful has been the relationship I formed with my students.  Building these relationships since the beginning of the year has been a challenge with some and has been easy with others.  The students I had many common connections to, such as theatre or music gravitated to me first.  They were more open when I was leading class discussions, and they were always willing to help me out when I was teaching, especially in the beginning.  They worked in class to help me feel like I succeeded.  And I succeeded because they were motivated, engaged, and learning.  The more challenging ones I had to work on.  For example one of my students in my English 10 class was a behavior problem in the beginning.  I knew that in order to deal with the problem I needed him to trust me and see that I really did care about him as a person and as a student.  I started every morning by greeting him as he entered my classroom.  I started taking an interest about the activities he was involved in outside of my classroom.  I gave him constant and immediate positive feedback whenever he did something positive.  By being persistent, I was able to show him that I cared about him and that he could trust me.  As soon as this relationship formed behavior was not an issue anymore.  We were able to joke around in class and be productive at the same time.  I had to build trust and respect with each of my students.  I had to show each and every one of them that I cared about him/her.  Some students I am still struggling to have a positive relationship, but for the most part the positive relationships I have built with them has helped the learning environment in my classroom.  My students know what to expect in my classroom, as well as what I expect from them.

The last relationship that has been important in my growth and development as a teacher this year has been the bond I have formed with the other interns.  Their continuing support and guidance has made this year productive and enjoyable.  We share the situations of our classrooms and give each other feedback and opinions.  Even just having someone in the school, who knows exactly what you are going through, is important.  Sometimes Judy and Carol could not possibly understand what I was going through because they have never experienced it, so it was nice to have others around who were going through almost exactly what I was going through.  During lunch or eighth periods the interns in the office would discuss the issues we were experiencing in the classroom and how we were feeling.  The advice and support given during these brief moments of time were helpful and vital to my continuing growth.  Here we were all in similar situations and trying to accomplish the same goal.  Sometimes talking to someone who knows what you are going through is more helpful.  It is helpful to know you are not alone.

 

A Positive Attitude versus A Negative Attitude

 

As I look back on my year now, I notice that having the right attitude is what makes this a productive program.  The most meaningful points in my development as a teacher have come when I had a positive mindset.  When I started my internship, I got really excited when something good happened and really upset when something did not go well.  I have learned that more things are not going to go exactly as planned than those that will go exactly as planned.  Carol told me, ÒKrista, never too high in victory or too low in defeatÓ.  This is something I have had to keep in mind constantly throughout this year.  I still struggle with this concept, but I have learned that instead of getting upset when things do not work out to sit back and ask myself what can I do better next time.  By asking myself what I can improve upon I stop dwelling on and basking in the negativity and move to a fix-up mode.  It is more productive to set my mind in fix-up mode than to sit in the negative feelings.

Even walking into a classroom with a positive attitude is more productive.  When I walk into a class I make sure I am positive, enthusiastic, and energetic because that rubs off onto the students.  In this respect teaching could be compared to acting, because sometimes I do not like the material I have to teach or feel like teaching it on a specific day but coming in with a positive outlook makes things a lot better.

 

Ambiguity

 

In the beginning I did not fully understand the meaning of this word.  However, I have come to a deep understanding of this word throughout my year.  The world of teaching is full of ambiguity.  I can never prepare for how my students will react to something new I may be teaching them.  I cannot prepare for what my studentsÕ responses in class will be when I ask them a certain question.  I cannot prepare for how fast or how slow my students will learn new material.  I have learned that I can only plan so much in the world of teaching.  I must be flexible with my lessons.  Flexibility and the fear of the unknown were two things I had a very difficult time dealing with this year.

When I started this internship, I was not a flexible person.  I wanted due dates.  I wanted to know exactly what I was going to say.  I wanted to know all the possible responses my students would give me, and I wanted to know how I would react to each one.  I had a set lesson plan and no matter what that is the plan I carried out.  I have come to know that teachers need to be flexible.  Students may not catch onto something as quickly as I think and so I need to be able to spend the time going back and reviewing.  I need to have multiple ways of explaining something because what works for one student may not work for another.  I have learned that each new day brings on a new challenge and I must be flexible and ready to face anything.  Fire drills could come any day and I must be prepared to change my plan if I lose class time for a routine drill.

In the beginning I did not have the confidence to do this.  I did not think I could handle just any situation that came my way.  But I have learned with time, through practice, and with the support of Judy and Carol that I am ready to handle these unpredictable moments.  Once I had the confidence to face anything I was able to enjoy teaching.  I was able to feel the passion for learning and teaching students.  Basking in the ambiguity of teaching is what makes this profession exciting everyday.  If I had to do the same thing everyday for the rest of my life, I would be bored.  But teaching offers many new experiences.  Each class, each student, and each day has something more to offer and something new.

I was also afraid of the unknown.  Improvisation has never been something I was good at in the field of drama, but it is something I learned to deal with in the field of education.   I learned real fast that I could not possibly script everything I was going to say.  There are too many possibilities and nothing ever goes according to plan.  Besides it would take hours to script everything each night, and I found out quickly I just did not have enough time for that.  The spontaneous nature of teaching is what makes teaching fun.  As soon as I learned to enjoy the unknown, I was able to find joy in what I was doing.  Here is an excerpt from an email I sent to Carol on February 4, 2004:

 

Teaching has to be one of the only professions (except parenting) where you cannot leave work and simply not worry about it until work the next morning.  Teachers are consumed with worries and uncomfortable situations.  When teachers leave the school most are bringing home papers to correct or lesson plans to write.  Teachers are always thinking about their students.  Waking up in the middle of the night worrying about how am I going to get Johnny caught up today?  Or standing in the shower going through in your mind the events of your day.  A teacherÕs job is never done.  Teachers plan, worry, ask questions, experiment, sometimes get answers, but most of the time only get more questions in return.  Before now I never thought that ÔexperiencedÕ teachers have these questions or worries like I do, but now I can see that ÔexperiencedÕ teachers really do go through these phases.  Most likely they go through these phases every year, with every class, and maybe everyday.  So as an intern who is at a midpoint in her development I have learned a very important lesson which I hope I can remember every year that I am teaching Ð All teachers no matter how much experience they have questions themselves, worries about their classes, and worries whether they are doing the right thing for their students.  When one becomes a teacher they can never leave that persona.  The persona is who they are and it embodies teachers.  It is a rewarding and honorable persona to have and as teachers we should recognize it and embrace it, even though the ambiguity may be scary.  For the ambiguity is what makes teaching a new experience everyday and every year.

 

The ambiguity is what teaching is all about.  Once I was able to deal with the uncertainties, I was able to open my eyes and see a whole new world of promise in front of me.

            As the weeks of school come to an end I am starting to miss the ambiguity in teaching.  I have learned to cherish the things that make me uncertain because I know I can open a whole new world of possibilities once I walk through the ambiguity.

 

Perfectionism

 

            When I began this year, I knew I would make mistakes, but I was not prepared to make them.  During my college career, I was a perfectionist.  I continued these practices when I began student teaching.  I became very distressed when I could not uphold these expectations I had for myself.  I also thought everyone else had these expectations for me too.  When I was able to let these feelings go, I became free.  It is freeing to know that no one is perfect and no one expects that from you.

            It was a battle to get to this point and sometimes I see myself drifting back.  But I have learned how to talk myself out of these instances.  I have learned that even though I have grown so much I can still revert back to my old habits.  Growing is like taking three steps forward and then expecting to take two steps back.  This has happened a lot during my development this year.

            Perfectionism was part of the reason I was so anxious in the beginning.  I did not want to make a mistake in front of the students or in front of Judy.  The tendency to be perfect led to a lot of the other feelings I had to learn to deal with this year.  Once I was able to overcome the ideal of having to be perfect, I was able to conquer the other things I was dealing with.

 

Control

 

            Control was something even today I still have problems overcoming.  Like the theatre person, I wanted to be in control at all times.  I wanted to know where I was going in the classroom, what I was going to say, what the kids were going to say, and how to react.  I wanted to plan everything that was going to happen within that fifty minutes of a class period.  I quickly discovered that this was an unreachable request.

            Teaching is all about being out of control.  Giving the control over to the students is a very freeing and uplifting experience.  The students are the main focus in a classroom so of course the control should be in their hands.  It is a teacherÕs job to guide the learning but not to simply give the students the answers.  Having the students discover the information on their own is the most productive way to teach, but it is also scary.  It is productive for the students because they feel as though they have ownership over their learning and knowledge.  They grasp ideas quicker and for longer periods of time because they can relate the information to an experience.  As Dewey states, ÒThe discovery is never made; it is always makingÓ (Hobson, 5).  The students are always discovering new ideas and concepts through experiences they have in life, they are never finished learning.

            Giving up the control in the classroom is scary for a teacher because you never know where your students will take you.  It is a wonderful and adventurous journey to take part in though.  The relationship I built with my students after I gave up the control in my classroom is practically indescribable.  The students love to feel the responsibility for their own learning.  Students find this outlook on education more interesting and more appealing.

            When I walk into my classroom now I never know what may happen that day but I know that the experiences and situations I create in my classroom environment will be relative to my studentsÕ lives.  Currently, I am teaching my Advanced English 10 classes the novel Lord of the Flies by William Golding.  Or an even better way to say this is that my students are teaching me about the novel Lord of the Flies by William Golding.  First of all this is not my favorite novel and this is important to know.

            My students are keeping heuristic journals for each chapter they read.  These journals are to contain their questions, the symbolism they are pulling out of the novel, and basically a higher level of thinking as they progress through each chapter.  The first day I came in to teach this class all by myself without Judy was after they read chapter six.  I started class by telling my students that I wanted them to generate our discussion.  I told them that we would use their journals as a jumping off point and would see where we end up.  I told them that I have some interpretations for this novel and they have interpretations as well.  I explained that my interpretations were not right and theirs were not wrong.  I told them that I was going to be present to guide the discussion if they needed me, but that it would be up to them to continue the discussion during class.

            After this little discussion I asked the students to switch journals with a partner.  As they read their partnerÕs journal they should make comments, underline interesting points this person made, and look at the discoveries this person made that they may have missed.  After giving my students about ten minutes to do this, we came together as a class and they began to share what they had read in each otherÕs journals.  This became the way we started our discussions for the next three days.

            The control of the discussion and the progress of the class were left up to the students in that class because I was able to give up the control and let them discover the beauty of GoldingÕs descriptions and the symbolism of his story.  Of course every night I did my own heuristic journal.  Also I came up with some discussion questions or some thoughts to bring up, but each day the students needed less and less of my guidance.  This was a great feeling because I got to see my students fly on their own in a very deep and intellectual discussion.  My students were fitting the boys on the island into different archetypes.  They were making characterization charts and analyzing the actions of each boy on the island.  They were discovering the symbolism in the descriptions of Golding and in the objects he placed on the island.  The thoughts and ideas my students brought to class everyday taught me a few things about the novel.  Another great thing is that I have now come to enjoy the novel Lord of the Flies just by simply participating in discussions with my students.

 

No Pain, No Gain

My Most Painful Experiences but Where I Grew the Most

 

Loss of Judy

 

            Sometime in January, we found out that Judy would be leaving in the beginning of February to have knee surgery.  She felt bad for having to leave the students and me.  I felt nervous and scared to actually be without her.  I worried about trying to make the relationship between the substitute and I work especially for the students and also for Judy.  We knew that Judy would be out for about two weeks.  Carol said she would be there for me.  Judy and I also made sure to meet the substitute ahead of time and divide the curriculum between the two of us.  We met the substitute the week before Judy was to leave for Atlanta.  Everything seemed great.

            The students really gravitated to her at first and I was slightly jealous of that.  They were happy to see a change in surroundings, but this did not last.  I was on the phone every night with Judy talking about the day and going over lessons for the next day.  Soon after the surgery we found out that something had gone wrong and she would be out for a lot longer.  I was with the substitute for about a month and a half.

            As I said things started out really great.  We worked well together.  I felt the freedom to jump in whenever I wanted during discussions and I even felt like I had a little more power because I actually knew the students and the expectations of the course and Judy.  As time went on things began to fall apart.

            I cannot give one specific example of what finally made everything erupt.  It was a lot of little things.  I was on the phone almost every night and every morning with Judy about class.  I was calling the substitute and emailing her about class.  I was telling the substitute things we should probably do because that is how Judy would want them to be done.  I was teaching the lessons I should have been teaching.  I was in every class everyday.  I never had a break and I never felt like I had anyone to talk too.  I always felt like I was trying to make everyone else feel like everything was going all right.  I did not want to tell Judy that the situation with the substitute were not going well because then she would feel even more guilty for leaving me and the students.  I did not want to confront the substitute because then I could mess this situation up and at this point I did not know how much longer I would be in this situation.  I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

            Finally on February 19, 2004 Òthe bottle brokeÓ, which was the title of the email, I sent to Carol that afternoon.

           

I am always busy.  I have no other life.  FriendsÉI donÕt even know what they are or who they are because I never go out.  There arenÕt even enough hours in the day to do what I need to do for schoolÉNot only do I have no time but no one has time for me.  ItÕs always about everyone else.  HereÕs where I sound even more selfishÉI think I just hit the top today and I just canÕt do it anymore.  I just bottle things up and bottle more things and the bottle needs to explode and I guess this is itÉ

           

The day following this email I actually met with Carol in her office.  I cried.  I am not sure we ever really came to a conclusion about what was bothering me, but we came to a few conclusions.  We decided that I needed to talk to Judy that night about how I was feeling.  I had already planned on going over there for dinner and so we knew I had to bring this subject up.  I knew I would not be able to start out the conversation, so we agreed that Carol would call Judy and let her know about what we had talked about.  Another realization I had was that I was partially upset because the intern I had been closest to all year was now moving over to the other building.  Carol and I also decided that I would go out with my friend after our meeting.  Since Carol was going to call Judy about what we had talked about she was going to let Judy know that I would be late.  We also decided that I would email Carol when I got home from JudyÕs to let her know how my talk with her went.

            When I arrived to JudyÕs house, the first words out of her mouth were ÒCarol called.  I hear you had a bad day.  Come tell me whatÕs wrongÓ.  I told her everything I had told Carol, which was basically that things with the substitute were not working out because she would take over my lessons.  Judy and Carol came up with an alternate schedule for me until Judy came back, which was basically to take me out of all the classes except for two.  I felt like I was being punished but nevertheless I did what they asked of me.

            I ended up spending the night at JudyÕs house and woke up to another surprise Ð a list she had made for me.  The entire day before this was painful and this list was even more painful to sit and listen too.  I almost cried, but held it in for the sake of being called too emotional or a Òdrama queenÓ.  The list included things she wanted me to work on such as:

1.     My maturity

2.     Read more books

3.     Find the passion for teaching

4.     Stop hiding

5.     Leave the drama behind

6.     Develop a vision (for each day, next week, next year)

7.     Accept myself

8.     Ask more questions

9.     Speak up for myself so that people can see that I am an intelligent woman

 

After we talked about this list, we went through some of my ideas for the unit I was developing.  I had a cup of coffee and left around 12:30pm.  As I left I was told to focus only on the positives of teaching and that I was to get a lot of work done when I went home Ð no sitting around and moping all day.

            As I climbed into my car the tears I had been holding back from the previous night and that morning just came.  When I got home I began grading some essays my students had written.  I finished one essay when my phone rang.  It was Judy just checking up on me.  She mentioned that she called Carol and let her know how things went.  I told her I was grading essays.  I think she could hear in my voice even as I left her house that I was not happy.  I hung the phone up and got back to grading papers.  I figured IÕd grade a few more and then email Carol like she had asked.  Suddenly the phone rang again.  I thought, ÒHow am I suppose to get any work done if the phone does not stop ringingÓ.  It was Judy again with a simple computer question.

            After I hung up the phone and finished grading one more paper, I sat down at my computer to compose an email to Carol.  It was painful rehashing everything that had happened within a twenty-four hour period.  It was difficult to analyze everything that had taken place, but I did.  Here are bits and pieces of that email I sent Carol on February 21, 2004:

 

Well, it has been a hard few days and I feel as though it is only going to get harder.  It has been very emotional.  I have been asked questions that have hurt me such as is teaching what I want to do etcÉI began composing this email last night in the form of a listÉThe Fence Ð I donÕt want to battle on this fence anymore.  I am almost over and I feel like this may be the last battle in the war.  How do I get over the fence?  Why is there no easy, quick answer?  Am I the only intern who is having this battle?  Why do I feel so alone?ÉSo as you can see it has been a rough few days.  I donÕt feel much better, but I will pull it together.  There is no other choice.

 

After a couple weeks of respite from my classes, I felt rejuvenated.  When Judy returned I was ready to take on a full load of teaching responsibilities.  I was placed back in all my classes again and it felt great.

            However, this has been a constant battle for me throughout this year.  Sometimes I see myself slipping backwards into a place where I have been before.  Going back to these places after you have outgrown them is sometimes frustrating.  Now that I can recognize myself slipping back I am able to jump back faster.  I have weathered this storm and there are many others I will have to weather in my life; but knowing that I was able to get through this one has made me more confident in myself.  Weathering the storm was difficult, but there is no growth if there is no pain to forge through.  The storms have made me a stronger individual and a better teacher.

 

Taking Five Giant Steps Forward and then Two Backwards

Growth in a Forward and Backwards Motion

 

            My growth throughout this year has been in a forwards and in a backwards motion.  Every time I seemed to have moved forward or beyond a certain point in my development, I took a few steps back.   Have learned that growth and development just work in this way.

            The ultimate end result is growth.  The journey to get to a certain point is different for each individual, which is why I could not compare my experience to the other internsÕ experience.  We were all on the same journey Ð to become a teacher, but the routes in which we used to get there were all different.  We all hit the rocky moments in the road and we all had some smooth sailing, but in the end looking back we all lived very different experiences.  The one thing that we did have in common is this forwards and backwards motion.

            This process was very frustrating for me particularly.  I would feel myself jump ahead into another point in my development, but yet I could also feel the points where I would be slipping back to an earlier stage.  At first I did not understand why this was happening to me, but looking back it was a very educational experience.

            I knew when I was beginning to fall back into a phase I had already gone through.  As soon as I recognized this I had to talk myself out of falling behind again.  This process gave me the strength, confidence, and determination to follow through with this internship.  I have learned the attributes, which make a good teacher by crossing milestones and then having to cross them again when I felt like I was returning to an earlier phase.

 

So What Did I really Learn by Tracing My Phases Through this Past Year?

Key Findings of My Inquiry

 

Teaching isÉ

 

            I have learned many things about this profession.  First of all teaching is very personal.  I teach from who I am.  This is what makes all teachers different.  Teaching is not a role in a play or a mask I can put on every morning before I go to school; it is just I in the classroom.  I had to learn who I was before I could stand comfortably in the front of the room and teach my students.  Teaching is a lot about soul searching and during this program that seemed to be one of my top priorities Ð discovering who I was as a person and then being able to discover who I was as a teacher.

            Never too high in victory, never too low in defeat Ð this quotation has been a theme for my year as a student teacher.  This is something I still struggle with even today.  I must remember to stay balanced in my emotions while teaching.  As a teacher I have learned that more things do not go as planned than those that do go as planned.  The ability to come back each day with a new tactic until you find out what works is a quality I had to learn.  In the world of teaching I will have more off days than on days, and keeping my emotions steady and in check is important for my students and me.  Being resilient is one of the best qualities I have learned this year.

            The most important question to ask, as a teacher is what can I do differently tomorrow that may improve upon what I did today.  Never stay in the negative.  I had to learn to move towards a more positive outlook.  Always looking at the negatives in a lesson will not help make tomorrowÕs lesson go any better.

            Teaching is about letting go of the control and learning to bask in the ambiguity.  There is only so much in this profession that allows a teacher to control it.  Besides the ambiguity is what makes teaching new and exciting everyday.  I discovered the passion for teaching after I let go of the control and learned to love the ambiguous nature of teaching.

            Teaching is also difficult, draining, and exhausting.  There are many things as a teacher I had to think about.  I had to think about my students, the Pennsylvania standards, the district standards, the time constraints, and how far I would be able to push my students.  But then I was always thinking about how I was going to meet the needs of all my different learners and how I could best benefit each and every one of them.  I was also thinking about whether I had the means to accomplish all that I wanted too.  I was also thinking about having high expectations for all of my students, but not so high that they were unattainable.  There are so many things that I think about each day as a teacher that never once crossed my mind before.  This is the part of the profession I had to learn how to deal with because it can begin to take over your entire life.

            Being a teacher is something that never leaves me.  Once I began to fit into this discourse, I quickly learned I was unable to leave.  Being a teacher has embodied entirely what it means to be Krista Yerkes.  When someone asks me to tell him/her a little bit about myself or to give him/her one word that describes me the first word that comes to mind is teacher.

 

The Process to Becoming a Teacher isÉ

 

            The process of becoming a teaching is a very difficult journey with speed bumps, caution signs, construction delays, and eventually the end of roadwork sign.  It is an overwhelming experience being tossed into an unknown world, but the world of teaching is full of the unknown.  Becoming a teacher is personal.  A phrase I have continually heard throughout my year in the PDS has been ÒYou teach from who you areÓ, which would imply one actually know who he/she is.  Starting this program as an undergraduate, I do not think I fully understood myself as a person yet, which made jumping into the classroom difficult.  For weeks I did not know that this was actually the problem.  Once I opened my eyes and realized learning to accept myself and understand myself were key to my growth as a teacher, I had some major soul searching to do.  I was continually growing not only as a teacher this year but also as a person.

            Becoming a teacher is like a second adolescence and this is where the real connection to my students comes into play.  I was thrown into a world where I needed to grow up and mature even more than I had for college life.  Adolescents are trying to find their way in the world.  They are searching for themselves, their interests, their passion, and their goals for the future.  They are accepting responsibility for their actions.  They are finding the courage within themselves to conquer any feat that may come their way.  This explanation can also describe my adventure or hero quest in the PDS program in becoming the teacher I always wanted to be.

            I was trying to find my way into this unfamiliar discourse since the beginning of the year.  I was searching to know myself as a person and as a teacher, which I quickly learned were not separate.  I needed to discover and find the passion in teaching.  I need to look ahead to the future and make goals.  I needed to start making my own decisions and taking the responsibility for whatever happened.  I needed to find the courage within myself to climb over ever mountain, forge through every storm, and walk out a teacher.  I found the courage and the confidence through Judy and Carol and now through myself.

            This similarity I had with my students allowed me to understand what my students were dealing with this year.  I have had many conversations with students about outside activities and having so much work to do.  I talked to students about prioritizing their activities and workload and following your heart, but also thinking with your head.  During this year I not only helped my students but my students helped me through our similar journeys.

            Even though this year is over the Òend of road workÓ sign is still in the distance.  There is always construction and work to be done as a teacher.  Teachers grow every year, every month, and every minute.  Some of the interns and I took a road trip to Altoona in the past couple weeks.  As we were in the car we wrote a poem about the PDS with the song lyrics we were listening to and the road signs we saw.  This poem in a way talks about what I have just discussed.

 

Our Journey Through Inquiry Ð Road Trip Serenade

 

Now that itÕs over, IÕve realized

YouÕve got a lot to tell me

DonÕt tailgate through your life

Keep minimum two dots apart

Because I can be anything I want to be

I donÕt want to be anything other than me

Expect delays throughout the process of inquiry

Red light

Then itÕs all and then itÕs nothing

Stop for nothing

Yellow light

DO NOT PASS

Blasting Zone

Green light

End of Road Work

 

Identity isÉ

 

I have learned a lot about identity through my research and reflection on my year.  First of all a personÕs identity is always changing depending on the environment they are in.  The fluidity of identity is very interesting being a student teacher.  I am a sister, a daughter, a friend, a student, a teacher, a mentor, a role model, a confident, and a roommate.  My identity is different depending on where I am and who I am with.  In school this year, my identity was hard to grasp because to my students I am a teacher, but to Judy and Carol I am a student.  So throughout everyday my identity was changing literally every minute depending on the environment and the people around me.

            The people one surrounds himself/herself with really determines the identity of an individual.  It is almost like being an actor/actress on stage.  The way I talk to my students is different from the way I talk to Judy or Carol.  The people surrounding this individual also determine the actions of an individual.  The way I act in front of the classroom is different from the way I act when I am at home in my living room.  There are a lot of factors that come into play when looking at a personÕs identity.

            Identity is not set in stone.  Identity is always changing.  My identity today may be different from the identity I had yesterday as the different factors come into play each and every day.  The experiences that everyone faces play a huge role in a personÕs identity.  Each personÕs experiences are different; this is what makes us all unique individuals and unique teachers.

            A change in someoneÕs identity comes from a clash between two different discourses.  For example the two discourses I was dealing with were the discourse of a student and the discourse of a teacher.  The war between these two extremely different discourses is where the identity I have today came from.  The life of a student is very different from the life of a teacher.  I began to figure this out on Monday mornings when after a long weekend I was unable to wake up in the morning and not be motivated to go to school.  In James GeeÕs chapter ÒWhat is Literacy?Ó he states, ÒDiscourses are inherently Ôideological.Õ  They crucially involve a set of values and viewpoints in terms of which one must speak and act, at least while being in the discourse; otherwise one doesnÕt count as being in itÓ (Shannon 1992, 22).  In other words, when I was in school I was in the discourse of teacher because I was acting and speaking like a teacher and on weekends I was in the discourse of a student acting and speaking like a student.

            All people are in many different discourses.  In my experience I found that the two discourses were not compatible for my growth, development, and future.  When I recognized the hindrance of the one discourse, I had to make a decision.  From the stories I have shared above, I chose to be a teacher and leave the student behind.  Without this struggle I would have never been forced to make a decision, and I had to in order to be the best possible teacher for my students.  The clash of these two discourses made me realize the future I want for myself, my goals, my dreams, and forced me to grow.

 

 

What Has This Inquiry Done For Me?

 

As I said in the beginning the process of tracing all of these phases and incidents in my development has been painful as well as informative.  It was painful to relive some of the events of this year as I began to look at the experiences that have influenced and shaped the teacher I am today.  It was painful to analyze journal entries and emails where I discovered how immature I really was in the beginning.  It was painful to look at some of the events that happened at the expense of others in order for me to develop as a teacher.  But this painful journey was necessary for me.  I can never take the easy route to a dream, but I always take the difficult route.  It was necessary for me to go back and analyze all this because through the analysis process is where most of the growth has come.  Looking back, I realize how each and every incident and experience played a vital role in my development and growth.  Without one experience, the person I am today may be different.  Every experience and incident has molded me into the teacher I have always wanted to be.  To close I refer to a poem that is very dear to my heart for many reasons.

 

ÒThe Road Not TakenÓ

by:  Robert Frost

 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth

 

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

 

 

 

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

 

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I Ð

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

 

 

The roads I chose to travel this year were my choice and even though they did not all lead to desirable places these were the choices I had to live with.  Not every path is perfect or leads to exactly where we want it to lead to, but the hope and faith lies in the fact that we continue our journey through life because Òway leads on to wayÉÓ we and can make better choices the next time a decision needs to be made.  This year I made many wrong decisions and I made many right decisions.  I learned from both situations, but I learned the most from the mistakes I made.  This year the roads I decided to travel were sometimes Òthe one less traveled byÓ, but it was traveling down every road I chose that has made all the difference.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Work Cited

 

Hobson, David.  Teachers Doing Research - Practical Possibilities.  Mahwah, New Jersey: 

     Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc.  1996.

 

Newman, Judith.  ÒUncovering Our AssumptionsÓ.  Halifax, Canada:  1987.

 

Shannon, P. (ed.).  Becoming Political.  Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann.  1992.

 

Yerkes, Krista.  Journal Entries and Emails.  August 2003-June 2004.